Thursday, July 10, 2008

wereallnumberone #3: A Prayer for Death

Seems like there's so much competition to be the most racist and ignorant pundit when it comes to criticism of Obama. So much so that I simply dont have the time and energy to devote to explicating each one of them.

But I do have just enough energy to devote to praying for each of those idiots to die.

The Incas have one, but I think its if you're old and you're praying for your own death. Like for last rites or what have you. Not interested in that. Anybody got any good ones for when you wanna pray for somebody else to perish? Hardcore? Like the douche author of this article?
I'm starting mine with "May Weste and Easte Egge crack downe the middle and ye fall between after an attacke from the Cloverfielde monster -- and you get hit in ye nutsacke on the way downe ..." Basically this + resulting in

Why am I praying in stereotypical Old English?

Maybe I should try it in Olde English (malt liquor style). Seems to me that they'd like a black guy with a doctorate in black stuff praying in jive. (btw, word? Harvard Law is "black stuff?" Perhaps I haven't been to Harvard in a while, but arent their only three black graduates like Obama and these guys?

Ok here it go:
"Yo mama is a man. Maine, phuck yall, muhfukiz. I'm so hood that I have a muslim name (big up, Khaled!)."

Because Riyadh is sooo gangstuh. Like Colors gangstuh. Like Gangstalicious gangstuh.

Anyhow, my letter to the editor was as such:

"Classy move publishing "Why I Should Be Our Next President" by Yo Mama Bin Barack. While Mr. Obama was getting his doctorate in black stuff (i.e. a law degree from Harvard, a school Bush couldn't get into because none of his blood relatives attended) I'm sure the author was getting his degree in journalism from Bob Jones, or perhaps Liberty or some other unaccredited hack southern school where the ban on interracial dating is based on the biblical passage about men not engaging in coitus with goats. I can't imagine an accredited school would want their program affiliated with such a backwoods racist (blueblood though she or he may be, not like you need an education to live in the Hamptons, only the right lineage).

I hear they are reprinting the article in the Jena Times. Kudos. I guess the next installment will be on Mitt "Big Love" Romney or Rudy Jewliani and his ability to pinch pennies into copper wire. (See what I did there with Jew? No seriously, you can have that one. But don't you steal my Billary Cinton!!!).

Seriously, is the writers strike bogging you guys down, too? If you're going to do racist humor, perhaps Lisa Lampanelli is available. Or Clayton Bigsby. Otherwise, the author should stick to his day job. Day job ... btw, are you familiar with that quaint notion?

Here's to East and West Egg splitting down the middle and all of you falling in, Diddy, Martha and all. Please dont bother responding as I am not interested in dialogue with you. Clearly, the author of this tripe is not interested in honest dialogue, either."


And yes, I signed it "PWNED."


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